


Catching Thunder

by hermione_vader



Category: Dark Knight (2008), Dark Knight Rises (2012), Doctor Who, Inglourious Basterds (2009), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spartacus: Blood and Sand, Supernatural, The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Crossover, Gen, Humor, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-27
Updated: 2013-01-27
Packaged: 2017-11-27 01:54:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/656779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hermione_vader/pseuds/hermione_vader
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or "Five Times Thor Encountered a Comrade".  Five characters from unrelated fandoms try to make sense of everyone's favorite boisterous, smiling thunder god.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dean Winchester

“Dude, we should not be eating donuts together.”  Dean took another bite of a jelly donut, powdered sugar coating his lips.  
  
“And why ever not?”  Thor asked as he rifled through the box on Bobby’s counter.  
  
“You’re a pagan god, I’m a hunter.  That’s like Romeo and Juliet going to dinner and a movie.”  
  
“Some day, I may yet understand half the things you say, Dean Winchester.”  Thor yanked a tiger’s tail out from underneath the glazed donuts.  “Is this kind any good?”  
  
“Eh, not my type, but Sam likes ‘em.  I’m not into cinnamon, except on redheads.”  Dean gobbled up the rest of his jelly donut.  “Hey, could you grab me one with sprinkles?”  
  
“As you wish.”  The god handed him one with sprinkles _and_ pink icing.  
  
“Oh, great, pink.”  Dean rolled his eyes.  
  
Thor rested his hand on the hunter’s shoulder.  “You know, Dean Winchester, those things you slay—the ones that call themselves gods, they are nothing more than beasts, not fit to scrounge for table scraps in my father’s palace.”  
  
Dean furrowed his brow, mouth hanging open.  “Alright, sure.  This is the jungle, baby, and I guess that makes you Tarzan.”  
  
“I _have_ found a Jane.”  
  
Dean couldn’t help laughing.  “You’re learning, buddy.”  He leaned his chair back and propped his legs on the kitchen table.  “You know, Sam and Bobby are gonna kill me for letting you have sugar.”


	2. Lt. Aldo Raine

Aldo was about two hours into his shift on watch when that crazy blond-haired sumbitch sat down next to him.  They stared at the fire’s last embers, still strugglin’ to burn, before Thor started to talk.  
  
“Lieutenant, I have considered your proposition,” he said with a big ol’ sigh.  “And I cannot.”  
  
“You can’t what, princeling?” Aldo thought it was a funny word, even if he didn’t believe that “Prince of Asgard” bullshit Thor’d been selling since he showed up in that twister.  
  
“I cannot take their scalps,” Thor told him a little too loudly, staring harder at the weakening embers.  “Perhaps it would have been fun, once, but now, I cannot bring myself…If you wish that I leave, I shall.”  
  
Aldo cocked his head to the side and took a hit of snuff.  He’d been considering the pros and cons of Thor hangin’ around ever since he made the offer.  Most of the men leapt out of Thor’s way when he walked around—maybe they didn’t like the armor, or maybe that unliftable hammer, or maybe how he talked like Lancelot Du fuckin’ Lac.  Still, Donny always gave him a pat on the back, probably because Thor cheered the loudest during his almost daily performances.  
  
“You know, Thor, maybe you don’t owe me a debit, seein’ as you’re not one of the originals,” Aldo said as he took a second hit. “After all, Stiglitz don’t owe me nothin’.”  
  
“Isn’t that because everyone is too afraid to speak to him?”  
  
Aldo shrugged.  “I been thinkin’ anyway—maybe sometimes you could fill in for Donny.  I seen you swing that hammer—you got it in ya.”  He slapped Thor on the back.  
  
“That I could do, Lieutenant.”  He smiled solemnly.  “You know, Lieutenant Raine, you are not honorable and I am not sure you could be called brave, but I believe you are worthy of Mjolnir.”  
  
“Where _did_ you get that hammer?” Aldo just realized Thor had brought it with him, sliding his hand up and down the handle nervously.  “Didja pull it outta stone like Excalibur?”  
  
“Ah, I tried to reclaim it like that once—alas, it did not work.  But what of this ‘Excalibur?’”  Thor raised his eyebrows.  
  
“You don’t fuckin’ know the King Arthur stories?”  That was one of three books Aldo had ever finished.  The other two were _The Story of Babar_ and the 1907 Farmer’s Almanac.  “Knights of the Round Table, Lady of the Lake, and all that shit?”   
  
Thor shook his head, but his eyes lit up and he leaned forward.  “Tell me.”  
  
“Now, I don’t know, son, it’s been a long time—“  
  
“Tell me what you remember.”  Thor grinned like a five-year-old who just found a mud puddle to play in after a good rain.  
  
Aldo laughed.  This was gonna be one fuckin’ _long_ watch.


	3. Spartacus

New meat. They walked in that hellish circle, stumbling under the wooden beams’ wobbling weight. Spartacus cringed for them. 

He passed the medicus’s office on his way to the baths and he spied a large figure sitting on the bench. The man’s broad shoulders slumped forward as the slaves sliced lock after thick lock of hair and scraped his beard to stubble until he looked like a shorn sheep in a yellow puddle. 

This one did not tire when he joined the others in the circle. If anything, his shoulders rolled back and his arms gripped the beams tighter as his jaw jutted out in defiance. Spartacus watched him deep into the night, not sure if he should laud or pity the bastard.  
The next day, everyone watched as Doctore gave his notorious first lecture.

“What is beneath your feet?” he barked at the newcomers.

The fair-haired giant stepped forward. “Sand sacred to your warriors.”

Doctore grinned ruefully. “This one is smart. But can he be trained?”

“I need no training—I have sparred many times as Prince of—“

Doctore’s whip cracked across the man’s chest, drawing a narrow stream of blood. “Your title means nothing here. You are what I make you.”

The blond man stood firm, jaw clamped shut. The other newcomers staggered back.

“This one fancies himself a gladiator already,” Doctore said. “What about the rest of you?” He cracked his whip and everyone—except the blond man—flinched.

“Cleverest idiot I’ve ever seen,” Varro whispered. Spartacus grunted in agreement.

The idiot could spar well enough. He knew how to block and how to strike, but his form with the sword was clumsy—he loved to swing it in circles.

“That is not a club. Do not treat it as such,” Spartacus told him.

“What does it matter in the end?”

Spartacus charged him, and the idiot threw the sword, which swooshed past Spartacus’s head. He tripped the idiot and soon had his swords at the man’s throat. “Swallow your pride until you’ve earned it.”

“When I am champion, like you?”

“I hope not.” Spartacus pulled him back up. “You would have to bow your head before you get that far.”

“I am Thor, son of Odin. I bow to no one.” Thor picked up his sword and resumed his sparring stance.

“I once thought as you did. I soon learned different.”

Thor chuckled. “You will straighten up once again.”

Doctore called for everyone to cease practice.

Spartacus turned to Thor again. “So how does a prince end up in a ludus?”

“…My brother stripped me of my power. Cast me out.”

Spartacus clapped Thor’s meaty shoulder. “If you pass the final test, we will be your brothers.”

Thor’s smile returned, sadder this time.


	4. Commissioner Jim Gordon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written before _The Dark Knight Rises_ was released, when very little information about the timeline was available, so I apologize for any breaches from canon in that respect.

Gordon stood on the roof, next to the newly installed signal.  No word, no meeting in over a week.  He knew there was no point in worrying.  _He_ didn’t answer to GCPD.  _He_ was probably halfway through busting a case the Major Case Squad hadn’t even discovered yet.  _He_ owed Gordon nothing.

Gordon pressed his fingers against the switch, ready to banish the giant rodent from the cloud cover, when he heard heavy crunching footsteps behind him.  His mouth quirked upward.

“You know, a heads up would be nice,” he told the caped figure tucked back in the shadows.  “You wouldn’t have to do it often.  Once a month, maybe.”

“Forgive me,” a deep, accented voice rumbled.  “I thought surprises were standard procedure, as you Midgardians say.”

Gordon rested his hand on his gun as the figure stepped forward with a sledgehammer in his hand.  Silver wings arced back where small ears usually pointed up.  Metallic armor glinted in the dim light where Kevlar blended into the dark.  Red billowed instead of black.  A pair of blue eyes twinkled where brown ones stared grimly.  A bearded face grinned at him.

The stranger clapped Gordon’s shoulder.  “Well, Commissioner, it is an honor to finally meet you.  I greatly admire your efforts to curb this city’s blind idiocy and corruption.”

Gordon pushed the large man’s arm away.  “Thank you.  Who the hell are you?”

“My name is Thor.  I believe your people believe me a god of thunder?”

“Well then, Thor, you are under arrested for trespassing.  On police property, no less.”  Gordon pulled out his handcuffs.

 ‘Thor’ furrowed his brow.  “Really?  Why then do you allow him free reign?”

“I’m still figuring that out.”  He’d call Arkham and see if they were missing any large, blond MPD patients.  “In the meantime, you’ll have to come with me.”

“As you wish—for the time being.  I mean to speak with you, anyway, Commissioner.  Since he went to your good city of New York to track down some Mafiosi—a marvelous word—I have kept watch on unfolding events concerning the one you call the Joker.”

“Really.”  Definitely from Arkham.  Maybe he knew someone who had a cellmate who knew something.

The man set his sledgehammer on the ground and held his hands out.  “Oh yes.  Were you not aware of your dark warrior’s whereabouts?”

“No one knows anything about him.  He likes it that way.  Hands behind your back.”

Thor turned around and held his hands out over his scarlet cape.  “I’m surprised he never told you.  He prefers you to me.”

“I wonder why,” Gordon muttered as he clicked the cuffs shut.

“Oh, you know how it is when you put two princes in the same room.”

Gordon looked up.  “No, not really.”

“Perhaps that’s for the best.  So what do you know of the Joker’s plans, Commissioner?”  Thor looked back and those clear eyes twinkled again.

“Only that he is working with a newcomer who calls himself Loki and—“ Gordon stopped.  This wasn’t him.  This was a charming but delusional loon in a homemade costume…that he’d crafted and forged himself, apparently.  And that sledgehammer looked too archaic to have been stolen from a construction site.  This guy was cleverer than he looked.

Thor chuckled.  “Of course he calls himself Loki.  It’s his name.”

Gordon gripped Thor’s shoulder and led him towards the door.  “You know Loki?”

“Since he was a babe.  There was never a craftier younger brother in all the nine realms.”

“You’re related.”

“Oh yes.  That’s why I came to help you, Commissioner.  I know my brother’s mind.  Or some of it, at least.”

“You can make a formal statement when we get downstairs.”

“I will do anything I can to save your good city from destruction in your dark warrior’s stead.” Thor ducked just before his wings hit the threshold.  “And when I return to Asgard, I shall tell my father, Odin All-Father, to send his finest warriors to help good Commissioner, Captain of the Gotham City Guard, in his quest for justice.”

Gordon looked up at Thor again and smiled.  “Good.  I could use all the help I can get.”


	5. The Doctor

The Doctor’s shoulders slumped inside his new leather jacket as soon as he landed on Asgard.  The last thing he wanted to do was speak.  So of course, a familiar-looking boy of about nine in a small, winged helmet rode up alongside him on a bay pony and refused to shut up.

“When I get back, I’m going to request a coat of leather like yours, Doctor,” the sweet-faced blond boy said loudly, puffing his not-yet-chiseled chest out.

“Good luck with that.  Not exactly high fashion on this planet.”  The Doctor glanced at the boy every so often as they walked past the sparkling sea, towards the isolated, golden dome.  He could almost see shades of man within the child.

The boy’s eyes grew wide.  “Is it warrior’s garb in your realm?”

“Sometimes.”

“Are you a warrior?”

The Doctor stared down the road’s flashing, blending colors.  “Maybe.  Never wanted to be one.”

The child’s mouth hung open.  “Only cowards hate fighting.”

“That’s me, then.  King of the cowards.”  The Doctor smirked, baring his teeth.

“Is that why your ears are so big?”

“No.”

“You should answer with deference.  I’m the future king.”  The boy tilted his head up.

“I know exactly who you are, Thor.”

The boy blinked.  “You do?”

“Oh, yeah.  I’m a real genius—I know everything that matters.  I know you’ll be a good man in the end, but you’ve got a long road ahead of you.”

Thor was quiet until they reached the dome and he dismounted, rushing through the entrance.

“Heimdall, the All-Father requests that you send me to Jotunheim!” he stated proudly.

Heimdall stared down at the little prince.  “Does he?”

“Oh yes!  He says that I am most ready for battle and that the Jotun will never suspect such a small warrior has come to conquer them.”

The Doctor stepped over the gleaming threshold.  “Doesn’t have his brother’s tongue.  He’s probably better for it.”

Both Heimdall and Thor jerked their heads in his direction.

Heimdall bowed his helmeted head.  “Time Lord.  I feel your loss.”

“Thank you, Gatekeeper.”

Thor looked back and forth between them, furrowing his brow.

“Did you have a request, Time Lord?”  Heimdall asked.

“No.  Just makin’ sure someone’s still keepin’ watch.”  The Doctor stepped farther into the dome.  “I’ll take the prince back home.”

The Gatekeeper nodded.  “I would greatly appreciate that.”

“Come along, prince-boy.”  The Doctor ruffled Thor’s hair.

They were halfway to the city gates before Thor spoke again.  “What did you lose?”

“Everything.”

“Oh.  Do you think you’ll find it again?” Thor’s mouth began to spread in smile.

“No.  It’s not like that.”

The smile became an ‘o’ shape.  “What’s it like?”

“My whole world is gone.”

The young prince huffed.  “Then I shall tell my father this news and demand that he enlist his best warriors to bring it back.  I’ll get Loki and Sif and my friends—“

“Thor.  It doesn’t work that way.  You’ll learn that soon enough.”

The prince fell silent again for a few moments.  “How do you know so much about me, Time Lord?”

“I’ll know you when you’re bigger.  Can’t do things in the proper order, me.”

“That sounds confusing.”

The Doctor laughed for the first time in this body.  “You have no idea.”


End file.
